Fibromyalgia, Music and Livelihood – Vivre, la musique et la fibromyalgie

Ready or not…. I am currently practicing a variety of repertoire, and I have been wanting to make a recording of at least one tune for several weeks. Not done yet because I just don’t feel musically ready…. then I started thinking, professionals (or even performing amateurs) have scheduled concerts on set dates: they don’t have the luxury of not feeling ready! So I figure, for the sake of tracking an amateur’s life, I should produce recordings even when I don’t feel ready: that would track my progress much more authentically. …Well, mounting pressure at work and surprize opportunities just left me no time over the past few weekends!

Paré, pas paré… Je travaille actuellement un répertoire varié et je veux enregistrer au moins une pièce depuis plusieurs semaines. Ceci n’est pas fait parce que je ne me sens pas prêt, musicalement… mais j’y songe, les professionnels (et amateurs qui jouent sur scène) ont un agenda de concerts fixe, donc n’ont pas le luxe de ne pas se sentir prêt! Je me dis donc que je devrais enregistrer même lorsque pas prêt: cela ferait témoignage plus fidèle de mon dévelopement. … b’en, la pression montante à l’ouvrage et des opportunités-surprisene m’on simplement pas laissé le temps ces dernières semaines!

IMS and physical Update: The blog is also supposed to encourage people by tracking my battle against chronic pain ad fatigue. So here goes instead of music! REMARK: what follows is a really happy and encouraging story!

SIM et situation physique: Ce blogue veut encourager le monde en suivant ma lutte contre la douleur chronique et la fatigue chronique. Alors allons-y à la place de la musique! REMARQUE: ce qui suit est une histoire vraiment heureuse et bourée d’espoir!

Fibromyalgia on the rise More and more people are complaining of being always tired and pains that just don’t go away, no matter what they do and despite any amount of medication. When this persists for more than some months, and when medical science can’t find anything wrong (no infection, no injury, no congenital condition), they call this “fibromyalgia”: tight, tough painful muscles. This is usually accompanied by always feeling tired, although the condition of chronic fatigue could be either independent or the result of exhaustion from endless pain. This is becoming apparent in all walks of life, but mostly people who either sit down at a desk all day or who wear down their bodies. I have been living with nonstop pain for 12 years now, at times so bad I could barely walk a hallway….. remember, there’s nothing wrong with me! (At least, nothing out of the ordinary for my age.)		La fibromyalgie arrache le poil à la bête De plus en plus de gens se plaignent d’avoir mal partout et d’être toujours fatigués en dépit de tout médicament. Quand ceci dûre plus de quelques mois et quand la médecine n’identifie aucune cause (aucune infection, blessure ou condition), on utilise le mot “fibromyalgie”: muscles tendus, fibreux et douloureux. Ceci est souvent accompagné de fatigue chronique, mais il est incertain ci ce dernier est un syndrôme indépendent ou un épuisement dû au mal qui ne relâche jamais. Ceci devient apparent dans tous les métiers et professions, surtout où l’on doit rester assis toute la journée ou qui usent le corps. Je vis avec cette douleur sans relâche depuis 12 ans, par bouts, j’avais peine et misère à simplement marcher le corridor….. rappel: il n’y a rien de mal avec ma santé! (Enfin, rien d’anormal pour mon âge.)
Mind over Matter: Just like most sufferers of chronic pain, I have seen more than a dozen doctors plus a few physiotherapists and massage therapists over the years, some who “specialize” in chronic pain and I have tried a large number of pills that claim to relieve the condition: no luck! As with many people, it seems medication has very strong side effects with almost no benefit and these can actually prevent me from concentrating, thus possibly halting my professional career! Naturally, this is unacceptable: I (and many others) prefer to suffer the pain and the mood swings that go with it. Consequently, I have seen statistics that show sufferers of chronic pain and fatigue develop severe depression leading to a suicide rate comparable to the death rate ascribed to diabetes! Believe me, I can relate to that. The only other advice that medical science is capable of offering is relaxation, fitness and stress reduction.		L’esprit mène le corps. Comme la majorité des souffrants de douleur chronique, j’ai vu plus d’une douzaine de médecins et quelques physiothérapeutes et massothérapeutes (quelques-uns “spécialistes” en douleur chronique) et j’ai essayé toutes sortes de pillules qui prétendent soulager la condition: rien à faire! Histoire commune, aucun bénéfice évident et effets secondaires puissants qui m’enlèvent la concentration, menaçant ma profession! Bien sûr, inacceptable: comme tant d’autres, je préfère accepter la douleur et les sautes d’humeur qui s’ensuivent. Par conséquent, j’ai vu des statistiques qui montrent qu’un nombre de souffrants développe une dépression sévère qui mène à un taux de suicide semblable à la mortalité lié à la diabète! Croyez-moi que je comprend pourquoi. Tout ce que peut ajouter la science médicale est la relaxation, la forme physique et la réduction du stress.
IMS, Tai-Chi and Foam Rollers For the past couple of years, Providence has smiled on me and lead me to an amazing physiotherapist and gym trainer. They started me on a journey that does work: a discovery of activity and markers to predict near full recovery, possibly even become strong and athletic again. The key activities that, for me, accomplish this are: Gunn-IMS (Intra-Muscular Stimulation) lengthens muscles, relieving tension that compresses nerves. Tai-Chi promotes mobility of the joints and nerves and promotes strength in stabilizer muscles (usually neglected at the gym) Foam Rollers () release myofascial knots in the muscles, promoting relaxation and regenerating sleep.		SIM, tai-chi et rouleaux Depuis quelques années, la Providence m’a mené à des entraîneurs une physiothérapeute formidables. Ils m’ont mis sure une piste qui fonctionne pour vrai: une découverte d’activités et d’étalons qui prédisent un retour à une forme solide et possiblement une vie athlétique. Les activités qui m’aident le plus sont SIM-Gunn (Stimulation Intra-Musculaire)  rallonge les muscles, soulageant la pression sur les nerfs Tai-chi favorise la mobilité des articulations et des nerfs et renforce les muscles stabilisateurs (négligés par le gymnase) Rouleaux de mousse () défont les noeuds dans les muscles, favorisant la détente et le sommeil réformateur.
Results as they stand today: Saturday morning headaches:  gone! Posture when standing and sitting. Wrist and forearm pain & weakness: gone, but need to strengthen. Severe back pain while making breakfast: gone, but looming. General stiffness and sensitivity to weather: still there but much more manageable. dependency on pain medication: stabilized at 10% of what it was 4 years ago. Use of vitamins supplements: restricted to basics for mood support. Technical ability to play oboe: apparently no more limit other than time and concentration. Ability to stand and walk: from a few minutes to an hour. Short breath & low stamina: still a problem.		Les résultats, mon état actuel : Maux de tête du samedi matin : finis! Posture lorsqu’assis ou debout. Douleur du poignet et avant-bras: finis mais besoin de renforcer. Maux de dos sévères en préparant le déjeuner: parti mais le risque persiste. Raideur générale et sensibilité à la météo: toujours là mais gérable. Médicaments contre-douleur: stabilisé à environ 10% de ce que je prenais il y a environ 4 ans. Suppléments vitaminiques: seulement les habituels pour aider avec l’humeur. Habiletés techniques au hautbois: semble-t-il seulement limité par le temps et la concentration. Abilité de marcher et me tenir debout: quelques minutes dans les années passées, environ une heure maintenant. Piètre énergie et court de souffle: toujours le cas.

Adult Masterclass : Rebirth of the Phoenix!

Blogger statistics show that people have been searching for information about IMS and various pain-related questions. I’ll give an update on my progress next time and touch on why I think some people might consider the treatments don’t work, when in fact they do, to the extent they were intended to.

Frankenstein’s demise foretells a new birth!

Early last year, I wrote a blog post (Frankenstein's First Steps) with a title that essentially forecasted my whole oboe year. I hope this post will do the same.

I started this blog roughly 8 months after beginning to practice the oboe with some regularity, having left it nearly untouched for 10 years … well doing an average of 30 minutes a month… The blog was to motivate me to practice more seriously and to track my physical hurdles. Other people had similar stories to tell and sharing them on other venues had proven really comforting and encouraging, so I thought this blog might prove interesting.

During the 10 years of near abstinence, every time I picked-up the oboe produced mixed feelings:

1. sheer joy and a feeling of breathing fresh air after having held my breath underwater (swimming in the heavy burden of math and software assignments)
2. horrifying frustration at sounding as bad as a beginner, made much worse at remembering the recitals and concerts I did, including such difficult repertoire as Symphonie Fantastique and Prélude à l’Après-midi d’un Faune.

By the time I started the blog, I thought my playing was decent for an amateur, but recordings left me feeling really embarrassed, again mostly for the memory of how I used to play. Now, a few weeks ago (a touch over a year into my blog or a year and a half into my oboe re-birth), I participated in a master class for adult amateurs and played the 1st movement of the Saint-Saëns sonata… and I did so believing I could pull it off without insulting music.
…This alone means I made some very decent improvement.

Adult Master Class – Lesson of the Phoenix!

Huge credit is due to the organizers of the Ottawa Oboe Extravaganza. They had the incredible foresight and showed real community stewardship by inviting adult amateurs to play on stage to receive the tutelage of an excellent oboist, Susan Morris of the Ottawa Symphony Orchestra and Ottawa Youth Orchestra Academy. This activity really makes people feel like they belong to the musical world and it shows just how far one can get if we follow our dreams wholeheartedly.

It was only a week before the event I realized I could play in the master class. I was in the process of recording the last of 3 duets for 2 oboes by Nino Rota. So I only had time to practice excerpts from Petrushka, and only a little bit. On the night before the masterclass, I had to wait at the university for hours, so I found a spot to practice and a gut feeling told me to do something else: the Saint-Saëns would be a much better show off of my improvement in articulations and dynamics. I didn’t have the parts, but I had played it so much in the past that practicing from memory was not a problem.

Contrary to Expectations

The masterclass started and adult amateurs ranging from the very beginner to the much more experienced than myself went on stage. About 30 minutes before my turn, a cold draft ignited muscle spasms in my neck and fibro-fog set in: I was mortified to go on stage. I went anyway because I had made such a fuss with Chip to go… it would be really bad to back down. Chip had participants explain our musical stories and the fibro-fog created such confusion I could hardly speak with any coherence at all.

So I started playing the 1^st movement of the Saint-Saëns sonata. I would have expected notes to cack, articulations to fail, dynamics to freeze and so on… the usual! But instead, I was surprized that my slurring felt very smooth, my pp and ff dynamics seemed very distinct and solid and both the articulation and release of notes were in full control. Actually, even most of the rhythm and character was quite solid. What went berzerk was that nerves seemed to make me loose my embouchure, bite like a shark and therefore sound like tin can! … and naturally the fortissimo triplet arpeggios slipped and fell like Sandy Hill covered with freezing rain! (Ottawa winter applied to playing the oboe…)

This anxiety was very strange, because I never used to be nervous in concert…. at least, not enough to fear playing on stage. Exams and rehearsals used to mortify me, really intimidated about playing with my peers and betters. But public performance bliss usually trumped all anxiety.

My next steps as a musician…

Here is where the Phoenix comes in. The legend says that, at the end of its life, the Phoenix bursts into flames and is reborn of its own ashes. Well, if I did crash-and-burn at that masterclass, I hope is was a fire ignited by my year of blogging (practicing and recording) and that it ended the dark silent now past. I hope it means that now I can be reborn of those ashes and perhaps begin a new musical life with possibilities that I am as yet too inexperienced to imagine.

I must imagine that my next steps, as a musician, would be to overcome the anxiety I felt at the masterclass and regain my former performance bliss. I suppose, then, that I need to meet people and find the proper ensemble in a setting suited to my profession as a software engineer.

If the Almighty wishes it, then it will be and the Phoneix will fly in a beautiful blaze, its tears with the power to heal and wings capable of carrying even my dreams into reality.

Back to my (blog) roots!

I had lost this URL during a SNAFU with Google services – not their fault, nor even mine fully – so I started another one (having "hautboys" - with a y - in it) under the impression that I had lost this one. Luckily, I got this one back! Everything from the temporary one (and more) is here now.

The URL name is important to me because the nick-name Robin Des Hautbois has followed me since my high-school days: I considered it a sign of predestination! Robin des Bois is French for Robin Hood (Robin of the woods or Robin of Sherwood) and the spelling testifies that I remain with the modern instrument (the y was the spelling for the baroque/classical instrument).

The SNAFU is kind of funny, because I really do find the sound of the baroque instrument far superior to the modern instrument in a few ways:

1. It is usually darker, deeper and mellower.
2. Though it has less projection, it has a larger feeling to it. 
3. It has a built-in echo quality that I compare to the deep honk of the Canada Goose, but without the honk! 
4. It is best approximated by the modern oboe d’amore: I have wanted one since the age o f 15, when I first saw one in an encyclopaedia!

But at this point in life and looking forward, I don’t want to give up the ease offered by the most modern keywork and to learn a new set of fingerings (most of which are rapid forkings) could very well cause a relapse of tendonitis….. one of the reasons I had to quit so long ago. I still consider this state (non-musician) to be a purgatory. Besides, with Albrecht mayer’s recommendations to Ludwig Frank and the Dupin Imperial’s classical bore (played by Christoph Hartmann), the sound of the modern oboe is moving back to its origins while keeping its modern benefits!

Happy Holidays to all!